What do I do.... FREAK-OUT or WAIT?

Well, by the title of this post, you are probably wondering what I have to FREAK-OUT about, Right? Well, I have been reading a blog about a little girl named Davy Jean. Not sure on the pronunciation of Davy, but such a cute girl! Anyway, her mom (Ruth) used to be in our Ward at church and she wrote on her blog about the problems that she has had with her pregnancy.

Long story short, I've been having problems with this pregnancy that I'm in right now, and I had problems this past Dec. '09 with a miscarriage right before Christmas. Ever since I started reading Ruth's blog in late Feb., I've just had this feeling about THIS pregnancy. That something's wrong, or going to go wrong. It felt wonderful to be pregnant again (although I was supposed to wait 2 more months), but it also felt OFF. And it still does. Know what I mean? Or maybe you don't....

Anyway, I just found out that the baby might have Trisomy 13. Huh? What is Trisomy 13 you ask? Well, it's a chromosomal disorder is which there is an extra chromosome in the 13th chromosome. (Try saying that sentence 3 times fast!) The usual one that everyone hears about is Trisomy 21 or more commonly referred to as Down's Syndrome. This one is different. This one is a rare type. There aren't a lot of people with it. Not living anyway. And there you have it. That's what I'm freaking-out about! My little baby that I'm supposed to have on November 2, 2010 just might not survive. Oh she/he might survive for a few seconds, minutes or even a few months. Apparently they forget how to breath, or have several birth defects that makes their life a hard one, along with a host of other things. That's the part that I can't handle. I want him/her to live for years, but with this Trisomy 13 looming over me, I'm not sure how long I will have with this little baby. Researching this Trisomy 13 is just nerve wracking!

Now, this might all be for naught. As I said before, the baby MIGHT have this disorder (but I'm pretty sure its got something). I've already had a Fetal Nuchal Translucency exam, which is an early Ultrasound and measures the spaces between the baby's spinal column and spinal fluid. I still have to take another blood test, get the results, and maybe even get an amniocentesis done too (and I probably will just to make me feel better, I just don't like the fact that I have to have a needle put down into my stomach to get some baby fluid, Yuck!) all within the next 4-5 weeks. This is all done to make sure that the baby is going to be alright. So, if I freak-out now, maybe I won't freak-out so much later? I'm not sure. I still might be freaking-out throughout this whole pregnancy just to keep my sanity. Crying in the middle of the day is O.K. right?

Just wondering....